ONE: THE RESPONSIBLE DECISION
The buck stops here. I accept responsibility for my past. I am responsible for my success. I will not let my history
control my destiny.
The Responsible Decision shows us how to stop blaming other people and outside circumstances for
where we are in life. Instead, we can chart our life’s course, allowing our lives to become testaments
to the true power of choice.
Until we accept the responsibility for where we are, we have no basis for moving forward in our
lives. Our choices had made us what we are today. Our thinking creates a pathway to success
or failure. To accept responsibility for our choices includes becoming aware of and accepting
responsibility for our thinking. This clarification gives us the basis for moving on.
TWO: THE GUIDED DECISION
I will seek wisdom. God moves mountains to create the opportunity of His choosing. It is up to me to be ready
to move myself.
The Guided Decision helps us discover invaluable counsel through books, people, and service. We
learn to evaluate the network of influential people in our lives, to seek wisdom from the knowledge
of others, and perhaps most important, to commit to a life of service.
There are three simple things you can do daily to chart your lifelong search for wisdom: read, take
counsel of others, and serve others.
THREE: THE ACTIVE DECISION
I am a person of action. Many people move out of the way for a person on the run; others are caught up in his
wake. I will be that person on the run!
The Active Decision is a wake-up call. Taking consistent action is crucial to the realization of a
successful life. We’re often amazed, even baffled, by the accomplishments of highly successful
people, yet many of their accomplishments occur because of relentless action.
There’s no reason to dwell in the pit of despair over squandered time or lost opportunities. You can’t
do anything about the past. Your future lies before you. When you are faced with the choice to do
nothing or do something, you will always choose to act.
FOUR: THE CERTAIN DECISION
I have a decided heart. Criticism, condemnation, and complaint are creatures of the wind. They come and go on
the wasted breath of lesser beings and have no power over me.
With the Certain Decision, we learn to break through fear and judgement to pursue our dreams with
determination and focus. With a decided heart, we set our course and assure our destiny.
Successful people make their decisions quickly and change their minds slowly. Unsuccessful people
make their decisions slowly and change their minds quickly. Many people spend so much time
analyzing the decisions that they have already made that they don’t have any energy left to actually
do what they decided. We are made with the ability to make a decision and then go about the
business of making it right.
FIVE: THE JOYFUL DECISION
Today I will choose to be happy. My every life is fashioned by choice. First I make choices. Then my choices
make me.
The Joyful Decision is perhaps the most misunderstood of all the Decisions. The Joyful Decision
demonstrates that happiness is a choice, and if you’re not happy right now, it’s a consequence of
your own choosing, not the circumstances of life.
Happiness comes from a grateful heart. Find things to be grateful for and become the possessor of a
grateful spirit. Happy people get more opportunities because opportunities come from people, and
people are attracted by happy people. And obviously, opportunities often translate into financial
success.
SIX: THE COMPASSIONATE DECISION
I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit. I know that God rarely uses a person whose main concern is what
others are thinking.
The Compassionate Decision can heal your heart, mind, and soul. Harbouring anger and resentment
poisons our minds and hinders our ability to live the other six Decisions with any measure of
effectiveness. Forgiveness frees our spirits.
Forgiveness is a decision, not an emotion. When we decided to forgive, our emotions follow along.
Forgive the people who don’t ask for it. Forgive yourself, your act of forgiveness will free you from
unproductive thoughts. Your bitterness, resentment, and anger will be gone.
SEVEN: THE PERSISTENT DECISION
I will persist without exception. Reason can only be stretched so far, but faith has no limits. The only limit to my
realization of tomorrow is the doubt to which I hold fast today.
The Persistent Decision reveals a critical “twist” to the notion of persistence: Persisting “without
exception” is key to achieving extraordinary levels of success in any area of life. When we
consistently make the Persistent Decision, our success is boundless.
Committing to the Persistent Decision means you accept responsibility. You constantly seek wisdom.
You never stop being a person of action. You have a decided heart, without exception. You choose to
be happy every single day. You greet each day with a forgiving spirit. Every single one of the other six
Decisions hinges on your acceptance of the seventh. It’s the one that bring them together.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
The Power of Nice: How to Conquer The Business World with Kindness
By Linda Kaplan Thaler and Robin Koval
The Power of Nice: chapters 1 to 3
The Six Powers of Nice Principles
For all those who want to implement the Power of Nice into their lives, the authors
Explain six Power of Nice principles that, when followed, will transform how you
Work and live. Here’s a summary of them:
1. Positive impressions are like seeds
Any time you do something nice for someone, it is much like planting a seed.
These seeds, with time, begin to swell and grow — most often, without you
Even being aware of it. And almost with mathematical certainty, you will
Begin to see the fruits of these seeds creating many opportunities for you
Down the road.
2. You Never Know
When dishing out your pleasantries, it doesn’t pay to be selective. It’s not
Just your boss’s wife with whom you should be nice, you should make it a
Habit to be nice to everyone because you never know who they might be
3. People Change
Much like you don’t know who someone might be, you never know who they
Might become. If at your office you are only cordial with your co-workers and
Superiors but not to the guy who takes out the garbage because to you they
“Have no power”, then you’re limiting yourself. People change. You never
know who that person may be in five, ten, or twenty years from now.
4. Nice must be automatic
You can’t fake niceness. People have an amazing ability to ferret out
Deception, so don’t do it. Being nice must be a part of you. So make sure you
Practice it on a regular basis. At the shopping centre, with your mailman, in
The checkout line. Practice being truly sincere and kind at all times, then it
Will become a part of you.
5. Negative impressions are like germs
If you think that you treating someone badly because “they don’t matter” have
No ill-effect, think again. Your unkindness can spread like a bad case of the
Flu to others who are in ear or eye shot of your rudeness. For example, how
do you feel about that someone who you notice is being rude to a waitress?
Don’t their actions make you think less of them, even though they hadn’t?
Directed them at you?
6. You will know
Just because no one might have noticed your rudeness or bad behaviour
Toward someone, or that you’ll never see that person again so no one will
Know, remember that you will know. Being nice isn’t about constantly
Carrying around a forced smile or scheming about what you’ll be able to get
From a person if you show them kindness. It’s about living it completely in
Your everyday life.
Bake a Bigger Pie
We are taught that the best way to get ahead in life and to find success is to take as
Much as you can for yourself. We focus on beating the competition and grabbing
our share of the pie first so that we’re not left with the crumbs. Living in a free market
Society seems to propagate this. The authors response? Bake a bigger pie.
This is what Covey refers to as Win-Win — finding that solution where all can
Benefit. The beauty of this is that when you help others to get a slice of the pie,
What often is the case is that the pie ends up being bigger for both of you — bigger
than it would have been if you just took it for yourself. This is true synergy and can
Only happen when you work in cooperation with others.
The Power of Nice: Chapters 4 – 6
Sweeten the Deal
Research done by such notable psychologists as David G. Myers and Ruut
Veenhoven have shown that people who are in a good mood are more likely to help
others. And there’s nothing better to raise someone’s mood than with a sweet word or
gesture.
Simple acts such as offering a client candy during a presentation or engaging in a little
humorous banter with your co-workers can do a lot to improve another’s mood and
create an environment much more conducive to open cooperation.
If you make the effort to “sweeten” your surroundings with smiles, gestures, humour
and small gifts, you will see that these “little” things end up returning back to you —
many times over. By small and simple things, great things happen.
Help Your Enemies
Turning the cheek is probably one of the more difficult things to do in life. It’s
human nature to want to get even with those who have wronged us. But in
actuality, helping your “enemies” can become very valuable to you.
Much of life isn’t strictly Me vs. You. We live in a world that requires that we
cooperate and work in teams with people. And although we might be technically
“competing” with someone else, it’s cooperation that beats out competition 9 times out
10. When you can creatively figure out how to work with your competition, you open
up the door to a synergistic . Cooperation fosters creativity and creativity is always
improved when multiple heads are involved.
Tell the Truth
Honesty is essential to success in any undertaking. With the fabulous examples of
WorldCom and Enron, we see the real merit behind dishonesty — that there is none.
Telling the truth is one of the best ways to get ahead in the world. Because trust is so
important in any relationship — be it personal or professional — if you have someone’s
complete trust, your circle of influence with that person will have no bounds. In the work
place this translates to greater responsibilities and ultimately greater positions.
The Power of Nice: Chapters 7 – 10
“Yes” Your Way to the Top
When I first started this chapter, I thought the authors were originally
supporting being a “Yes Person”, a person who doesn’t know how to say “no”. But after
reading a bit deeper, what they are actually recommending is maintaining a positive in
all your actions and relations. Because being positive can have a huge impact on your
entire life — from your productivity to how you get ahead in life.
Part of being positive is assuming people have the best of intentions for you. Even
though you know that they are trying to knock you down, if you approach such criticism
as constructive it will keep your mood high and disarm the person giving it. The example
that they use in the book is, say someone tells you that they hate what you’re wearing.
You could respond in one of two ways: Say something nasty back or thank them for
being concerned about your appearance. Despite their intentions, you need to train
yourself to interpret each encounter as something positive. This will have huge positive
effects on your life.
Shut Up and Listen
Great communicators are not always the ones who are eloquent of speech. Most
great communicators are that way because they are in fact, great listeners. If we are
constantly going on and on about our accomplishments and our opinions on some matter
we will never understand the other person. We may be good speakers, but without the
ability to listen, we’re poor communicators.
Effective listening also requires “putting your head on the other person’s shoulders”
and listening with the intent to understand. This is what empathy means. When people
realize that you truly understand them, they’ll be so much more willing to open up to
you.
Create a Nicer Universe
There are different ways to get ahead in life. Being ruthless is one of them although
it’s fortunately not the only one. What the intent of this book is and what the
authors hope that you get out of it is to realize that being kind and considerate is
another way — what they feel to be an even more effective way — of achieving
success. Not only will being nice get you further ahead in your career but you will
also feel better about yourself on top of it.
Realize that even the smallest action of kindness can have a multiplier effect that
can cause miracles to happen — in your job, your relationships, and with yourself.
These small acts indeed help you to become healthier, wealthier, and most
importantly happier.
The Power of Nice: chapters 1 to 3
The Six Powers of Nice Principles
For all those who want to implement the Power of Nice into their lives, the authors
Explain six Power of Nice principles that, when followed, will transform how you
Work and live. Here’s a summary of them:
1. Positive impressions are like seeds
Any time you do something nice for someone, it is much like planting a seed.
These seeds, with time, begin to swell and grow — most often, without you
Even being aware of it. And almost with mathematical certainty, you will
Begin to see the fruits of these seeds creating many opportunities for you
Down the road.
2. You Never Know
When dishing out your pleasantries, it doesn’t pay to be selective. It’s not
Just your boss’s wife with whom you should be nice, you should make it a
Habit to be nice to everyone because you never know who they might be
3. People Change
Much like you don’t know who someone might be, you never know who they
Might become. If at your office you are only cordial with your co-workers and
Superiors but not to the guy who takes out the garbage because to you they
“Have no power”, then you’re limiting yourself. People change. You never
know who that person may be in five, ten, or twenty years from now.
4. Nice must be automatic
You can’t fake niceness. People have an amazing ability to ferret out
Deception, so don’t do it. Being nice must be a part of you. So make sure you
Practice it on a regular basis. At the shopping centre, with your mailman, in
The checkout line. Practice being truly sincere and kind at all times, then it
Will become a part of you.
5. Negative impressions are like germs
If you think that you treating someone badly because “they don’t matter” have
No ill-effect, think again. Your unkindness can spread like a bad case of the
Flu to others who are in ear or eye shot of your rudeness. For example, how
do you feel about that someone who you notice is being rude to a waitress?
Don’t their actions make you think less of them, even though they hadn’t?
Directed them at you?
6. You will know
Just because no one might have noticed your rudeness or bad behaviour
Toward someone, or that you’ll never see that person again so no one will
Know, remember that you will know. Being nice isn’t about constantly
Carrying around a forced smile or scheming about what you’ll be able to get
From a person if you show them kindness. It’s about living it completely in
Your everyday life.
Bake a Bigger Pie
We are taught that the best way to get ahead in life and to find success is to take as
Much as you can for yourself. We focus on beating the competition and grabbing
our share of the pie first so that we’re not left with the crumbs. Living in a free market
Society seems to propagate this. The authors response? Bake a bigger pie.
This is what Covey refers to as Win-Win — finding that solution where all can
Benefit. The beauty of this is that when you help others to get a slice of the pie,
What often is the case is that the pie ends up being bigger for both of you — bigger
than it would have been if you just took it for yourself. This is true synergy and can
Only happen when you work in cooperation with others.
The Power of Nice: Chapters 4 – 6
Sweeten the Deal
Research done by such notable psychologists as David G. Myers and Ruut
Veenhoven have shown that people who are in a good mood are more likely to help
others. And there’s nothing better to raise someone’s mood than with a sweet word or
gesture.
Simple acts such as offering a client candy during a presentation or engaging in a little
humorous banter with your co-workers can do a lot to improve another’s mood and
create an environment much more conducive to open cooperation.
If you make the effort to “sweeten” your surroundings with smiles, gestures, humour
and small gifts, you will see that these “little” things end up returning back to you —
many times over. By small and simple things, great things happen.
Help Your Enemies
Turning the cheek is probably one of the more difficult things to do in life. It’s
human nature to want to get even with those who have wronged us. But in
actuality, helping your “enemies” can become very valuable to you.
Much of life isn’t strictly Me vs. You. We live in a world that requires that we
cooperate and work in teams with people. And although we might be technically
“competing” with someone else, it’s cooperation that beats out competition 9 times out
10. When you can creatively figure out how to work with your competition, you open
up the door to a synergistic . Cooperation fosters creativity and creativity is always
improved when multiple heads are involved.
Tell the Truth
Honesty is essential to success in any undertaking. With the fabulous examples of
WorldCom and Enron, we see the real merit behind dishonesty — that there is none.
Telling the truth is one of the best ways to get ahead in the world. Because trust is so
important in any relationship — be it personal or professional — if you have someone’s
complete trust, your circle of influence with that person will have no bounds. In the work
place this translates to greater responsibilities and ultimately greater positions.
The Power of Nice: Chapters 7 – 10
“Yes” Your Way to the Top
When I first started this chapter, I thought the authors were originally
supporting being a “Yes Person”, a person who doesn’t know how to say “no”. But after
reading a bit deeper, what they are actually recommending is maintaining a positive in
all your actions and relations. Because being positive can have a huge impact on your
entire life — from your productivity to how you get ahead in life.
Part of being positive is assuming people have the best of intentions for you. Even
though you know that they are trying to knock you down, if you approach such criticism
as constructive it will keep your mood high and disarm the person giving it. The example
that they use in the book is, say someone tells you that they hate what you’re wearing.
You could respond in one of two ways: Say something nasty back or thank them for
being concerned about your appearance. Despite their intentions, you need to train
yourself to interpret each encounter as something positive. This will have huge positive
effects on your life.
Shut Up and Listen
Great communicators are not always the ones who are eloquent of speech. Most
great communicators are that way because they are in fact, great listeners. If we are
constantly going on and on about our accomplishments and our opinions on some matter
we will never understand the other person. We may be good speakers, but without the
ability to listen, we’re poor communicators.
Effective listening also requires “putting your head on the other person’s shoulders”
and listening with the intent to understand. This is what empathy means. When people
realize that you truly understand them, they’ll be so much more willing to open up to
you.
Create a Nicer Universe
There are different ways to get ahead in life. Being ruthless is one of them although
it’s fortunately not the only one. What the intent of this book is and what the
authors hope that you get out of it is to realize that being kind and considerate is
another way — what they feel to be an even more effective way — of achieving
success. Not only will being nice get you further ahead in your career but you will
also feel better about yourself on top of it.
Realize that even the smallest action of kindness can have a multiplier effect that
can cause miracles to happen — in your job, your relationships, and with yourself.
These small acts indeed help you to become healthier, wealthier, and most
importantly happier.
TEAM MANAGEMENT SECRETS – by Rus Slater.
Managing teams is a huge challenge and rewarding career because you are judged by your boss and
by the team that you manage. This book is written to a manager and contains 50 secrets about the
successful management of teams. The secrets are organized into seven themed chapters.
As a manager you must know what you mean by “my team”. Basically team is referred to a group of
people and a common goal. Ask yourself this questions; do you confident that your team now have
a common purpose that is clear, articulated and understood by all?; Are they a group of people who
have complementary skills and abilities?; Do they work together and depend on each others?. To
be a successfully team manager/leader you must have some followers. Effective “followership” is a
prerequisite of effective team management.
To understand the meaning of team, now you must able to form you own team. So pick the right
people for the right job. However when choosing the people, you must not only choose the person
that have technical competence to do the job, but who will also work harmoniously with their
colleagues and you. After that, get your team performing quickly. Create a team identity that gives
individuals a powerful sense of belonging. Create a team vision so that they all facing the same
say on the road to your goal. Then set the ground rules earlier to make them understand what
behaviour is acceptable among members of the team, including you as a team leader. To get them
work together you must first understand and aware of the differences of their roles and task. Then
use this knowledge to develop and manage your team. And to measure the teamwork, use GRIPS
(Goals, Roles, Interactions, Process and Style). The last part of forming your team is to finds way to
avoid a “silo mentality” with team within teams. Silo mentality refers to the battles between inter-
department in one company.
To lead you team, first you must be able to define a tasks, create it and set its objective. This mean
you must write job description of the individual to the team vision. Secondly you must build inter-
dependencies. Means that they can work together and depends each others, so that they can
functions successfully as a team. Third you must avoid working full day doing technical stuff and
leaving any management activities. As a manager you must not underestimate the time needed to
manage you team properly. You must also be able to identify misery staffs and you job is to keep
people as positive as possible, and this means managing the miseries. At this level, you have to lead
by example, and you must therefore always present a positive front to your team. These mean that
you should take care your health, relations and treat well yourself. You should aware when your
staffs do a job well done; you should praise them in public. This can motivate the team as well as
the person. Recognition and award is so important for them to feel appreciate in what they are
doing. However when rewarding a person, you must not reward everyone the same as you may
see a collapse in motivation. You must understand that they see their contribution is undervalued
in relation of that of others. After understand the rewarding concepts, make sure that you are not
monkey manager. Monkey in referred to task or assignment. Do not to take the task from your
team member, but help them to solve the problem together. You must then delegate the work
well to support your team. Good delegation utilizes people’s strengths, weeds out of weaknesses,
spreads the workload equitably, maximizes output, develops a multi-skilled team, show trust in
people, encourage responsibilities and prepares people for promotions.
Communicate with your team
You must then arrange a team briefing to provide information and the opportunity for people to
express views and ask questions. But remember brief, mean brief. Beside you can also decide who
to know what to give an appropriate level of information for the person and situation. And as a
manager you should listen to your team. Otherwise you’ll be less successful. You also need to
constantly remind your boss of the great job your team is doing.
Protect and serve your team
A real team manager works for the team. Without a team there is no job for a manager. So the
manager’s role is to be a servant leader to the team. Being a servant leader mean people will follow
you rather than having to be dragged behind. So you should build and keep trust to your team. This
mean they can work without you watching them. If they can’t trust you, then they won’t believe that
you are worth working for. You earn trust through your behaviours, not your rank or position. The
whole team needs your active support at all times. So as a team manager, you need to treat them
as a whole, thinking of them as a unit that needs to be protected. You must also keep reminding
yourself that everyone in your team is unique individual. Don’t encourage egotistical and irritable
in your team. Another important part in team is to manage your own boss. If your boss is a weak
manager, then it is you to stand up for you and your team’s rights. If you don’t manage your boss,
no one else will, and your team will suffer. Then, you should manage out uncooperative people
who won’t work within the team; otherwise you don’t have a team. This because the person will
damages the morale and productivity of the whole team.
Manage team changes
Nothing stays the same for the long, this is certain. As a manager you must learn to let people go,
even you prefer to keep them. However try to minimize the emotional effects of redundancy by
being objective, honest and considerate. Plan ahead and learn how to manage survivor’s staffs. The
first thing you must do is to get them to air their opinions and feelings and get their emotions off
their chests.
Disband your team
One of the tough challenges for a manager is to say goodbye to their team member. To face it you
must prepare and plan ahead for a proper goodbye. Take your time and remember this could be the
last time the team members see each others, so make it a good memory. Then take a time to reflect
and learn from it. However don’t give up in your life, spread the word that you are finishing, so that
you networking aware and can offer you and your colleagues new roles. Last but not least always
keep in touch with you ex- boss and your ex-team mate. You never know what will happen in future,
so keep in touch as people like to do business with people they know and trust.
Real team manager should read this book to add their current knowledge on team management. I
personally inspired after reading this book and recommended to all current manager and potential
leader in our company. I had practice some of it, and it works!
by the team that you manage. This book is written to a manager and contains 50 secrets about the
successful management of teams. The secrets are organized into seven themed chapters.
As a manager you must know what you mean by “my team”. Basically team is referred to a group of
people and a common goal. Ask yourself this questions; do you confident that your team now have
a common purpose that is clear, articulated and understood by all?; Are they a group of people who
have complementary skills and abilities?; Do they work together and depend on each others?. To
be a successfully team manager/leader you must have some followers. Effective “followership” is a
prerequisite of effective team management.
To understand the meaning of team, now you must able to form you own team. So pick the right
people for the right job. However when choosing the people, you must not only choose the person
that have technical competence to do the job, but who will also work harmoniously with their
colleagues and you. After that, get your team performing quickly. Create a team identity that gives
individuals a powerful sense of belonging. Create a team vision so that they all facing the same
say on the road to your goal. Then set the ground rules earlier to make them understand what
behaviour is acceptable among members of the team, including you as a team leader. To get them
work together you must first understand and aware of the differences of their roles and task. Then
use this knowledge to develop and manage your team. And to measure the teamwork, use GRIPS
(Goals, Roles, Interactions, Process and Style). The last part of forming your team is to finds way to
avoid a “silo mentality” with team within teams. Silo mentality refers to the battles between inter-
department in one company.
To lead you team, first you must be able to define a tasks, create it and set its objective. This mean
you must write job description of the individual to the team vision. Secondly you must build inter-
dependencies. Means that they can work together and depends each others, so that they can
functions successfully as a team. Third you must avoid working full day doing technical stuff and
leaving any management activities. As a manager you must not underestimate the time needed to
manage you team properly. You must also be able to identify misery staffs and you job is to keep
people as positive as possible, and this means managing the miseries. At this level, you have to lead
by example, and you must therefore always present a positive front to your team. These mean that
you should take care your health, relations and treat well yourself. You should aware when your
staffs do a job well done; you should praise them in public. This can motivate the team as well as
the person. Recognition and award is so important for them to feel appreciate in what they are
doing. However when rewarding a person, you must not reward everyone the same as you may
see a collapse in motivation. You must understand that they see their contribution is undervalued
in relation of that of others. After understand the rewarding concepts, make sure that you are not
monkey manager. Monkey in referred to task or assignment. Do not to take the task from your
team member, but help them to solve the problem together. You must then delegate the work
well to support your team. Good delegation utilizes people’s strengths, weeds out of weaknesses,
spreads the workload equitably, maximizes output, develops a multi-skilled team, show trust in
people, encourage responsibilities and prepares people for promotions.
Communicate with your team
You must then arrange a team briefing to provide information and the opportunity for people to
express views and ask questions. But remember brief, mean brief. Beside you can also decide who
to know what to give an appropriate level of information for the person and situation. And as a
manager you should listen to your team. Otherwise you’ll be less successful. You also need to
constantly remind your boss of the great job your team is doing.
Protect and serve your team
A real team manager works for the team. Without a team there is no job for a manager. So the
manager’s role is to be a servant leader to the team. Being a servant leader mean people will follow
you rather than having to be dragged behind. So you should build and keep trust to your team. This
mean they can work without you watching them. If they can’t trust you, then they won’t believe that
you are worth working for. You earn trust through your behaviours, not your rank or position. The
whole team needs your active support at all times. So as a team manager, you need to treat them
as a whole, thinking of them as a unit that needs to be protected. You must also keep reminding
yourself that everyone in your team is unique individual. Don’t encourage egotistical and irritable
in your team. Another important part in team is to manage your own boss. If your boss is a weak
manager, then it is you to stand up for you and your team’s rights. If you don’t manage your boss,
no one else will, and your team will suffer. Then, you should manage out uncooperative people
who won’t work within the team; otherwise you don’t have a team. This because the person will
damages the morale and productivity of the whole team.
Manage team changes
Nothing stays the same for the long, this is certain. As a manager you must learn to let people go,
even you prefer to keep them. However try to minimize the emotional effects of redundancy by
being objective, honest and considerate. Plan ahead and learn how to manage survivor’s staffs. The
first thing you must do is to get them to air their opinions and feelings and get their emotions off
their chests.
Disband your team
One of the tough challenges for a manager is to say goodbye to their team member. To face it you
must prepare and plan ahead for a proper goodbye. Take your time and remember this could be the
last time the team members see each others, so make it a good memory. Then take a time to reflect
and learn from it. However don’t give up in your life, spread the word that you are finishing, so that
you networking aware and can offer you and your colleagues new roles. Last but not least always
keep in touch with you ex- boss and your ex-team mate. You never know what will happen in future,
so keep in touch as people like to do business with people they know and trust.
Real team manager should read this book to add their current knowledge on team management. I
personally inspired after reading this book and recommended to all current manager and potential
leader in our company. I had practice some of it, and it works!
TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE by Louis Proto
The Victim Game
Playing victim is the second most popular pastime in the world today. The aim of the
game is to avoid yourself taking responsibility at all costs by:
Ø Convince yourself that you are powerless
Ø Play helpless – You tell yourself that there is nothing you can do to improve
your situation
Ø Find someone or something to blame
Ø Complain
In the victim vocabulary, the main thing to remember is to be as pessimistic as you can.
Barriers to Empowerments
In order for us to reclaim our power to take charge of our lives, there are barriers that we
need to take care of. The following are some common barriers to empowerment:
Ø I mustn’t be selfish – We have been conditioned to feel that we have to
give only others but not to ourselves. But how can you feed others if the
cupboard’s bare? So, we must also love and take care ourselves.
Ø My friends won’t like me if I change – You may think that your change will
cause you loss of friendship. However, they will probably be relieved that
they are not longer made to feel responsible for solving your problem.
Ø I might have to say “no” to people I love – It is true that your loved ones may
not feel happy but they will respect you for it. It is not the right way to please
everyone all the time.
Lifelines to Empowerment
The four lifelines to empowerment are
Ø Awareness of our choices – Sometime we may feel hard to think and choose
when we fell trapped and don’t know which way to turn, but in fact we choose
all the time. We may not in touch with our choosing, or may be making
unconscious choices. So, the more we make our choices conscious, the less
they will control us.
Ø Willingness to take responsibility for the effects of them – what we consider
to be ‘reality” is highly subjective. The same thing may be happening to
different people: their experience of it will vary according to how they
perceive the event. What we make of what happens depends on us. Each
of us has our own philosophies, stated or unstated, which will determine our
values and our ways of seeing and relating things.
Ø Intention to create more positive effects in our lives – if we ourselves are
feeling good we will tend to notice only the nice things going on around us
and to have pleasant interactions with the people we come in contact with. On
the other hand, go out into the world with anger or depressed, we will “set” to
see only the negative things. Dropping the negative for the positive always
changes things for the better.
Ø Mobilizations of self support to get what we need – Everybody feels they
could do with support from time to time, emotional, financial etc. If we don’t
get it, although we may feel hurt or down, we don’t cease to exist. If we don’t
get support from others, we still get stronger by exercising the muscle of self-
reliance. The more we learn to support ourselves, the more we are charge of
our lives we feel.
Getting Clear
Very few of us have been fortunate enough to have received consistent validation
while growing up for expressing our true feelings. Quite the contrary; we have been
conditioned for conformity, not authenticity. This is a mistake, for our gut feelings are
usually more on target than our opinions. Our feelings are often more complex than we
can think and the closer we are in touch with them the clearer the direction we get for
ourselves and the messages well broadcasts to others.
Getting what we need becomes a lot easier if we are clear of what that is. If one knows
where one is going, one is more likely to get there by the shortest and most direct
route. Often we have been conditioned to think that we should have and consume all
we have told about what we need to be happy, especially commercial advertising. It is
important to be in touch with our emerging needs all the time, otherwise we will be easily
manipulated.
Once we get in touch with what we really need, we should ask ourselves why am I not
getting what I need. Here’s a check-list we can ask ourselves:
Ø Have I asked for what I need?
Ø Do I assume others should know what I need?
Ø Why aren’t they delivering the goods?
Ø Are my expectations too high?
Ø Are they unwilling / unable to meet my demands?
Ø Am I open for receiving?
Ø Do I feel that I deserve to get what I need?
If you are really clear about what you need and what will satisfy those needs, this will
usually be obvious.
Taking Charge of Your Health
Health is perhaps the area we most likely take for granted. In fact, we can feel
disempowered by anxiety about our health, suffering from illness or pain, helpless or
dependent on others to look after us. Often, for all the effective things modern medicine
undoubtedly can do to help us, sometimes it is powerless. We now have an abundance
of books on healthy eating, diets, supplements, slimming, workouts, yoga, and other
alternative therapies. Never before in history have so many people been so health
conscious or well-informed about wealth.
Take AIDS as example, this disease has given us 2 lessons. It teaches us the importance
of our immune system in preventing illness and the ways in which it can be undermined
and strengthened. Second is prevention is better than cure, and in the absence of any
cure, prevention becomes the only option that is open to us.
Too many antibiotics or steroids actually will weaken our immune systems. The new
awareness may well lead to a generally higher standard of health as saving lives in
the future, not only from AIDS, but from any disease. Modern medicine use drugs
and surgery to “cure” symptoms which it sees as being caused by external events, for
example, the invasion of bacteria. “Alternative” medicine sees the body as self healing,
the cure comes from within and symptoms are a sign of defend system at work. It is not
the practitioner but nature that does the healing, given half a chance, with sound diet and
rest, ridding the body of toxins and the mind of stress.
Food that consume also play important role. Immunity is weakened by too much sugar,
too much cereal and other carbohydrate foods. Too much alcohol reduces B-cell activity
and smoking destroys vitamin C. We have to be aware of foods that boost our immune
system.
Wise eating is first line of defense and strengthening the immune system. The second
line of defense is our own sensitivity to what we are doing so. Trust your intuition and
Listening to your body. If you are well you will feel well. We should be alert to the
first subtle complaints from our body (for example, discomfort, fatigue, depression, etc)
that we are overdoing things. It may be that we are working too hard, over eating or not
getting enough sleep. If we don’t take responsibility for living in harmony with our own
rhythm, correcting our own over-indulgences, restoring our vital energy, then our body
has to take over the job for us to ensure our survival. It will do this in any number of
ways and they are called symptoms.
Moderate exercise stimulates the immune system, increasing lymphocyte efficiency.
It raises the body temperature which in turn stimulates both interferon and the
macrophages. Death rates from cancer have been found to be higher among those doing
jobs which calls for little muscular effort than among those engaged in more strenuous
work, while the opportunity afforded by exercise to channel stress may be significant in
reducing the incidence of cancer.
Learning how to practice deep relaxation at will is to co-operate totally with the body’s
natural way of recharging its batteries. Relaxing is not something that we do, but what
happens when we stop doing – and that includes the ‘doing’ in our heads that we call
thinking, planning, calculating, worrying, etc.
Staying positive can indirectly help to improve our body system as our hormones
are affected by our feelings. They are transmitted from the limbic system to the
hypothalamus, a part of the brain that controls output of hormones via the pituitary gland.
The effects of negative emotions such as frustration or unexpressed anger could cause
adrenal exhaustion. Just as positive feeling can cause remission of cancer, the negative
feelings can cause cancer.
Health care statistic becomes more frightening, both numerically and financially. From
every point view it would definitely seem to time for each and every one of us to start
taking charge of our own health.
Switching Off the Pressure
It is estimated that one in every three man suffers a heart attack in the course of his
working life. It is essential knowing how to handle the stress is part and parcel of modern
living, not only to avoid having a coronary disease, but also for enjoying quality in our
lives. We feel oppressed when we don’t give ourselves enough time and space, this is
what we called Victims of time which probably quite common types of victim around
today.
Few ways to ease this kind of pressure:
Ø Set boundaries - Don’t complain that other people invade your space and make
demands on your time if you have no made it clear to them what you are prepared
to give and accept. “Burn out” is a hazard of the helping professions if the helper
doesn’t know when to stop feeding others and give sometime to feed himself.
Ø Cut down on your commitments - Don’t over structure your time, whether
through greed or anxiety. You might have to look at your priorities. What comes
first, your health and the quality of life, or money and popularity?
Ø Slow Down - Take responsibility for not allowing yourself enough time. If there
really wasn’t enough time, how come you agreed to meet this appointment in the
first place? If you are delayed because of some reason beyond your control, then
what’s the problem?
Ø Follow your own rhythm - There is a time for working and a time for rest, a time
for being with others and a time for being in your own space. We take charge of
our time and what happens in our space when we choose to fill it with things to
enjoy so that whatever we are doing, we are out of the time and space trap.
How to Be Your Own Counselor
Admitting to yourself that you are feeling angry doesn’t mean that you have let it out and
hurt other feelings. In fact, you are less likely to do so if you acknowledge to yourself
that you are really angry and then look into why is this so. If you deny and repress the
anger it will be there like an abscess and festering in the subconscious, seeping bitterness,
sarcasm, discontent. Resentment can accumulate into a sense of grievance that could
indeed lead to violent confrontation. Threat yourself as a counselor that would treat you.
Be patient with yourself in all your moods; respect your emotions whatever they may be.
Don’t deny it. Don’t be afraid of them. Allowing then to be there may be uncomfortable,
even painful, but at least you will know they are and that you are processing them out of
your system, not absorbing their energy into your body. Here is the basic technique for
handling any highly charged emotions that threaten to swamp you.
Ø Going out for a run, a jog or a walk to help disperse some of the energy.
Ø Give yourself permission to cry like a baby.
Ø Staying in the present - This will stop you fuelling the negative energy by
dredging up the past or getting into a panic about the future. It will also give
you a sense of being in control.
Ø Respect your boundaries - This decides how much intimacy we can tolerate
with others. Don’t compare your boundaries with other people’s boundaries.
What might be fun for them may be stressful for you.
Ø Don’t label yourself - What needs to be changed is not who we are but how
we see ourselves. Beware of the labels you stick on yourself (or anyone else
tries to) or you will be stuck with them. You will start believing that this is
with them. Do you label yourself well built or fat? Slim or skinny?
Ø Stop putting yourself down - Never allows anyone to invalidate you and that
includes you. If you don’t value who you are, don’t expect others to. If you
are continually undermining your confidence by self-criticism it’s no wonder
you don’t have any. We are not in this world to be perfect, but to be human.
Everybody else is perfectly imperfect too, so unless you want to be special.
Ø Drop any ideas of perfection – you’ll drive yourself mad. Remember, there is
nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. Stop judging yourself or
you could get depressed.
Pulling Your Own Strings
It is common to hear people who are having trouble in making an important decision
saying, “a part of me wants to do this but another part of me doesn’t.” Often we feel
split between courses of action, have mixed feelings about people and things, and get
confused by the different voices within us pulling us in different directions. To feel truly
in charge of our lives, we need to stop feeling controlled, manipulated, sabotaged or split
by parts of ourselves that remain in the unconscious, we have to get to know who we are,
and who we are is not just one person but many. Beneath the one-tenth of the iceberg
that is our conscious mind, lie hidden the potentially manipulative other nine-tenths, the
subconscious and the unconscious, containing the parts of us that we either are unaware
of or rejected. When making a decision. We can listen in turn to what each voice has to
say, explore the assumptions of each sub-personality, weigh up the sense of what we hear
and then make our own decision on what is realistic. Listening to yourself, observing
yourself in action, you will get to recognize your main sub-personalities. Here as some
personalities that can manipulate most of us.
Ø The Critic-he is the one who makes you fell bad about yourself, never good
enough, always wrong. Whichever way you did it, he will say it could have
been done better another way.
Ø The Perfectionist – he sees the world in terms of ideals and models which he
is constantly trying make us measure up.
Ø The Workaholic-he will take over your life and you could be heading for a
coronary. They always finding things for you to do. The voice is always
urgent, and its purpose always to fill your time so that you never have a
moment to relax.
Ø The Pleaser – he’s the one who makes us smile when we feel angry. Pleaser
will not allow them to be straight with others, to challenge them or to ask
directly for what they want. Pleaser who makes it impossible for her to set
boundaries to her giving.
Ø The Controller- he’s function is to keep us safe and protect us from doing
anything that might threaten our self-image. He feels threatened in any
situation that out of control or expression of feelings.
Ø The Child-That the Child still lives in any of us is something of a miracle after
the efforts that most of us made to deny its existence because we afraid of its
vulnerability.
See if you can work out which of your sub-personalities is in the driver’s seat when you
are in any decision making. It is important to get to know your sub-personalities and
what they want. They will help you make the right decisions. It is not that we have to
try to get rid of any parts of ourselves. We need all our sub-personalities, they not only
make us the unique beings that we are, but we developed them for specific purposes. For
example, without our Controller we would never have survived so long. Without pleaser
all one would be boorish. Some parts are too overdeveloped and need to boundaries set
on them; some are underdeveloped and need to be allowed more expression in our lives.
We, as conductors, are responsible for keeping ourselves in harmony and balance.
Learning To Trust
Trust ourselves is not something we have been taught, it is something we have to learn
to trust our intuition, our innate wisdom. We have to stop looking outside ourselves for
the truth, imitating others, manipulating ourselves to “fit in” and be one of the crowd of
people who are as unsure as we are. We all have this “inner guide” but we have been
listening to other voices outside us that confuse us and take us away from ourselves. We
have to learn again the art of listening, to our bodies and to our hearts rather than to our
minds. We should constantly search inside ourselves for what is authentic and accept
it unconditionally, let it guide us in the next way to move, rely on our awareness and
sensitivity. Trusting your inner guide and trusting life is the same thing, for we are not
separate from life. We have to cultivate acceptance of the “will of God” and trust the
direction that life is taking us in. The universe, like the individual mind, appears to be
self regulating. Trust the way energy is flowing and flow with it rather than resisting it.
Taking charge of our lives is ultimately about seeing into the laws of cause and effect and
living in harmony with them to avoid giving yourself a bad time.
Conclusion
The idea of this book is if we want to take charge of our life we have to stop playing the
Victim game and start Energy awareness. We need more understanding and less labeling
of our feelings, our needs and respects others without being controlled or driven by them.
We have to be sufficiently in touch with what we want and with our own capacity to
mobilize our resources to make it happen. Above all, we have to learn to contact and
trust that part of us that knows what is right for us and harness it to the power we all have
to create what we want in our lives.
Playing victim is the second most popular pastime in the world today. The aim of the
game is to avoid yourself taking responsibility at all costs by:
Ø Convince yourself that you are powerless
Ø Play helpless – You tell yourself that there is nothing you can do to improve
your situation
Ø Find someone or something to blame
Ø Complain
In the victim vocabulary, the main thing to remember is to be as pessimistic as you can.
Barriers to Empowerments
In order for us to reclaim our power to take charge of our lives, there are barriers that we
need to take care of. The following are some common barriers to empowerment:
Ø I mustn’t be selfish – We have been conditioned to feel that we have to
give only others but not to ourselves. But how can you feed others if the
cupboard’s bare? So, we must also love and take care ourselves.
Ø My friends won’t like me if I change – You may think that your change will
cause you loss of friendship. However, they will probably be relieved that
they are not longer made to feel responsible for solving your problem.
Ø I might have to say “no” to people I love – It is true that your loved ones may
not feel happy but they will respect you for it. It is not the right way to please
everyone all the time.
Lifelines to Empowerment
The four lifelines to empowerment are
Ø Awareness of our choices – Sometime we may feel hard to think and choose
when we fell trapped and don’t know which way to turn, but in fact we choose
all the time. We may not in touch with our choosing, or may be making
unconscious choices. So, the more we make our choices conscious, the less
they will control us.
Ø Willingness to take responsibility for the effects of them – what we consider
to be ‘reality” is highly subjective. The same thing may be happening to
different people: their experience of it will vary according to how they
perceive the event. What we make of what happens depends on us. Each
of us has our own philosophies, stated or unstated, which will determine our
values and our ways of seeing and relating things.
Ø Intention to create more positive effects in our lives – if we ourselves are
feeling good we will tend to notice only the nice things going on around us
and to have pleasant interactions with the people we come in contact with. On
the other hand, go out into the world with anger or depressed, we will “set” to
see only the negative things. Dropping the negative for the positive always
changes things for the better.
Ø Mobilizations of self support to get what we need – Everybody feels they
could do with support from time to time, emotional, financial etc. If we don’t
get it, although we may feel hurt or down, we don’t cease to exist. If we don’t
get support from others, we still get stronger by exercising the muscle of self-
reliance. The more we learn to support ourselves, the more we are charge of
our lives we feel.
Getting Clear
Very few of us have been fortunate enough to have received consistent validation
while growing up for expressing our true feelings. Quite the contrary; we have been
conditioned for conformity, not authenticity. This is a mistake, for our gut feelings are
usually more on target than our opinions. Our feelings are often more complex than we
can think and the closer we are in touch with them the clearer the direction we get for
ourselves and the messages well broadcasts to others.
Getting what we need becomes a lot easier if we are clear of what that is. If one knows
where one is going, one is more likely to get there by the shortest and most direct
route. Often we have been conditioned to think that we should have and consume all
we have told about what we need to be happy, especially commercial advertising. It is
important to be in touch with our emerging needs all the time, otherwise we will be easily
manipulated.
Once we get in touch with what we really need, we should ask ourselves why am I not
getting what I need. Here’s a check-list we can ask ourselves:
Ø Have I asked for what I need?
Ø Do I assume others should know what I need?
Ø Why aren’t they delivering the goods?
Ø Are my expectations too high?
Ø Are they unwilling / unable to meet my demands?
Ø Am I open for receiving?
Ø Do I feel that I deserve to get what I need?
If you are really clear about what you need and what will satisfy those needs, this will
usually be obvious.
Taking Charge of Your Health
Health is perhaps the area we most likely take for granted. In fact, we can feel
disempowered by anxiety about our health, suffering from illness or pain, helpless or
dependent on others to look after us. Often, for all the effective things modern medicine
undoubtedly can do to help us, sometimes it is powerless. We now have an abundance
of books on healthy eating, diets, supplements, slimming, workouts, yoga, and other
alternative therapies. Never before in history have so many people been so health
conscious or well-informed about wealth.
Take AIDS as example, this disease has given us 2 lessons. It teaches us the importance
of our immune system in preventing illness and the ways in which it can be undermined
and strengthened. Second is prevention is better than cure, and in the absence of any
cure, prevention becomes the only option that is open to us.
Too many antibiotics or steroids actually will weaken our immune systems. The new
awareness may well lead to a generally higher standard of health as saving lives in
the future, not only from AIDS, but from any disease. Modern medicine use drugs
and surgery to “cure” symptoms which it sees as being caused by external events, for
example, the invasion of bacteria. “Alternative” medicine sees the body as self healing,
the cure comes from within and symptoms are a sign of defend system at work. It is not
the practitioner but nature that does the healing, given half a chance, with sound diet and
rest, ridding the body of toxins and the mind of stress.
Food that consume also play important role. Immunity is weakened by too much sugar,
too much cereal and other carbohydrate foods. Too much alcohol reduces B-cell activity
and smoking destroys vitamin C. We have to be aware of foods that boost our immune
system.
Wise eating is first line of defense and strengthening the immune system. The second
line of defense is our own sensitivity to what we are doing so. Trust your intuition and
Listening to your body. If you are well you will feel well. We should be alert to the
first subtle complaints from our body (for example, discomfort, fatigue, depression, etc)
that we are overdoing things. It may be that we are working too hard, over eating or not
getting enough sleep. If we don’t take responsibility for living in harmony with our own
rhythm, correcting our own over-indulgences, restoring our vital energy, then our body
has to take over the job for us to ensure our survival. It will do this in any number of
ways and they are called symptoms.
Moderate exercise stimulates the immune system, increasing lymphocyte efficiency.
It raises the body temperature which in turn stimulates both interferon and the
macrophages. Death rates from cancer have been found to be higher among those doing
jobs which calls for little muscular effort than among those engaged in more strenuous
work, while the opportunity afforded by exercise to channel stress may be significant in
reducing the incidence of cancer.
Learning how to practice deep relaxation at will is to co-operate totally with the body’s
natural way of recharging its batteries. Relaxing is not something that we do, but what
happens when we stop doing – and that includes the ‘doing’ in our heads that we call
thinking, planning, calculating, worrying, etc.
Staying positive can indirectly help to improve our body system as our hormones
are affected by our feelings. They are transmitted from the limbic system to the
hypothalamus, a part of the brain that controls output of hormones via the pituitary gland.
The effects of negative emotions such as frustration or unexpressed anger could cause
adrenal exhaustion. Just as positive feeling can cause remission of cancer, the negative
feelings can cause cancer.
Health care statistic becomes more frightening, both numerically and financially. From
every point view it would definitely seem to time for each and every one of us to start
taking charge of our own health.
Switching Off the Pressure
It is estimated that one in every three man suffers a heart attack in the course of his
working life. It is essential knowing how to handle the stress is part and parcel of modern
living, not only to avoid having a coronary disease, but also for enjoying quality in our
lives. We feel oppressed when we don’t give ourselves enough time and space, this is
what we called Victims of time which probably quite common types of victim around
today.
Few ways to ease this kind of pressure:
Ø Set boundaries - Don’t complain that other people invade your space and make
demands on your time if you have no made it clear to them what you are prepared
to give and accept. “Burn out” is a hazard of the helping professions if the helper
doesn’t know when to stop feeding others and give sometime to feed himself.
Ø Cut down on your commitments - Don’t over structure your time, whether
through greed or anxiety. You might have to look at your priorities. What comes
first, your health and the quality of life, or money and popularity?
Ø Slow Down - Take responsibility for not allowing yourself enough time. If there
really wasn’t enough time, how come you agreed to meet this appointment in the
first place? If you are delayed because of some reason beyond your control, then
what’s the problem?
Ø Follow your own rhythm - There is a time for working and a time for rest, a time
for being with others and a time for being in your own space. We take charge of
our time and what happens in our space when we choose to fill it with things to
enjoy so that whatever we are doing, we are out of the time and space trap.
How to Be Your Own Counselor
Admitting to yourself that you are feeling angry doesn’t mean that you have let it out and
hurt other feelings. In fact, you are less likely to do so if you acknowledge to yourself
that you are really angry and then look into why is this so. If you deny and repress the
anger it will be there like an abscess and festering in the subconscious, seeping bitterness,
sarcasm, discontent. Resentment can accumulate into a sense of grievance that could
indeed lead to violent confrontation. Threat yourself as a counselor that would treat you.
Be patient with yourself in all your moods; respect your emotions whatever they may be.
Don’t deny it. Don’t be afraid of them. Allowing then to be there may be uncomfortable,
even painful, but at least you will know they are and that you are processing them out of
your system, not absorbing their energy into your body. Here is the basic technique for
handling any highly charged emotions that threaten to swamp you.
Ø Going out for a run, a jog or a walk to help disperse some of the energy.
Ø Give yourself permission to cry like a baby.
Ø Staying in the present - This will stop you fuelling the negative energy by
dredging up the past or getting into a panic about the future. It will also give
you a sense of being in control.
Ø Respect your boundaries - This decides how much intimacy we can tolerate
with others. Don’t compare your boundaries with other people’s boundaries.
What might be fun for them may be stressful for you.
Ø Don’t label yourself - What needs to be changed is not who we are but how
we see ourselves. Beware of the labels you stick on yourself (or anyone else
tries to) or you will be stuck with them. You will start believing that this is
with them. Do you label yourself well built or fat? Slim or skinny?
Ø Stop putting yourself down - Never allows anyone to invalidate you and that
includes you. If you don’t value who you are, don’t expect others to. If you
are continually undermining your confidence by self-criticism it’s no wonder
you don’t have any. We are not in this world to be perfect, but to be human.
Everybody else is perfectly imperfect too, so unless you want to be special.
Ø Drop any ideas of perfection – you’ll drive yourself mad. Remember, there is
nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. Stop judging yourself or
you could get depressed.
Pulling Your Own Strings
It is common to hear people who are having trouble in making an important decision
saying, “a part of me wants to do this but another part of me doesn’t.” Often we feel
split between courses of action, have mixed feelings about people and things, and get
confused by the different voices within us pulling us in different directions. To feel truly
in charge of our lives, we need to stop feeling controlled, manipulated, sabotaged or split
by parts of ourselves that remain in the unconscious, we have to get to know who we are,
and who we are is not just one person but many. Beneath the one-tenth of the iceberg
that is our conscious mind, lie hidden the potentially manipulative other nine-tenths, the
subconscious and the unconscious, containing the parts of us that we either are unaware
of or rejected. When making a decision. We can listen in turn to what each voice has to
say, explore the assumptions of each sub-personality, weigh up the sense of what we hear
and then make our own decision on what is realistic. Listening to yourself, observing
yourself in action, you will get to recognize your main sub-personalities. Here as some
personalities that can manipulate most of us.
Ø The Critic-he is the one who makes you fell bad about yourself, never good
enough, always wrong. Whichever way you did it, he will say it could have
been done better another way.
Ø The Perfectionist – he sees the world in terms of ideals and models which he
is constantly trying make us measure up.
Ø The Workaholic-he will take over your life and you could be heading for a
coronary. They always finding things for you to do. The voice is always
urgent, and its purpose always to fill your time so that you never have a
moment to relax.
Ø The Pleaser – he’s the one who makes us smile when we feel angry. Pleaser
will not allow them to be straight with others, to challenge them or to ask
directly for what they want. Pleaser who makes it impossible for her to set
boundaries to her giving.
Ø The Controller- he’s function is to keep us safe and protect us from doing
anything that might threaten our self-image. He feels threatened in any
situation that out of control or expression of feelings.
Ø The Child-That the Child still lives in any of us is something of a miracle after
the efforts that most of us made to deny its existence because we afraid of its
vulnerability.
See if you can work out which of your sub-personalities is in the driver’s seat when you
are in any decision making. It is important to get to know your sub-personalities and
what they want. They will help you make the right decisions. It is not that we have to
try to get rid of any parts of ourselves. We need all our sub-personalities, they not only
make us the unique beings that we are, but we developed them for specific purposes. For
example, without our Controller we would never have survived so long. Without pleaser
all one would be boorish. Some parts are too overdeveloped and need to boundaries set
on them; some are underdeveloped and need to be allowed more expression in our lives.
We, as conductors, are responsible for keeping ourselves in harmony and balance.
Learning To Trust
Trust ourselves is not something we have been taught, it is something we have to learn
to trust our intuition, our innate wisdom. We have to stop looking outside ourselves for
the truth, imitating others, manipulating ourselves to “fit in” and be one of the crowd of
people who are as unsure as we are. We all have this “inner guide” but we have been
listening to other voices outside us that confuse us and take us away from ourselves. We
have to learn again the art of listening, to our bodies and to our hearts rather than to our
minds. We should constantly search inside ourselves for what is authentic and accept
it unconditionally, let it guide us in the next way to move, rely on our awareness and
sensitivity. Trusting your inner guide and trusting life is the same thing, for we are not
separate from life. We have to cultivate acceptance of the “will of God” and trust the
direction that life is taking us in. The universe, like the individual mind, appears to be
self regulating. Trust the way energy is flowing and flow with it rather than resisting it.
Taking charge of our lives is ultimately about seeing into the laws of cause and effect and
living in harmony with them to avoid giving yourself a bad time.
Conclusion
The idea of this book is if we want to take charge of our life we have to stop playing the
Victim game and start Energy awareness. We need more understanding and less labeling
of our feelings, our needs and respects others without being controlled or driven by them.
We have to be sufficiently in touch with what we want and with our own capacity to
mobilize our resources to make it happen. Above all, we have to learn to contact and
trust that part of us that knows what is right for us and harness it to the power we all have
to create what we want in our lives.
Life's Greatest Lessons – Hal Urban
Hal Urban wrote this book with an intention of helping all the people out there to really understand life so that
we can live life to the fullest without any regrets. There are twenty things that really matters in life highlighted in
this book. In each chapter he tells us and give example on how the twenty things is essential in our lives.
1.) Success is More than Making Money
As said by Wynn Davis, success means doing the best we can with what we have. Success is in the doing,
not the getting – in the trying, not the triumph. As we always heard, money cannot buy happiness, we
cannot measure our success with how much money we have as true success is more than making money.
There's no point having lots of money if we are not happy as in the end we will die unsatisfied.
Successful people accept life as it is, with all difficulties and challenges. They adapt to it rathen than
complain about it. They see life as a series of opportunites and possibilities and always explore them.
2.) Life is Hard...and Not Always Fair
Life doesn't always work the way we like it to be. If we had our way, it would be easier, consistently fair
and more fun. The reality is that we have to learn, although slowly and painfully it will teach us the most
valuable lessons about life. Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional and those things that hurt, instruct.
We need to understand that some of life's most painful lessons are also the most valuable. The most
important thing we can do when we are hurting, whether it's physical or emotional hurt, is to find some
meaning in it. Life is hard, and it is not always fai. But that doesn't mean it can't be good, rewarding and
enjoyable. There are still a lot of reason to say yes to it.
3.) Life is Also fun...and Incredibly Funny
One of the greatest truths; human beings need to have fun. We need to play and most importantly, we
ned to laugh. Life may be hard and at times unfair, but that doesn't mean it has to be intolerable. And it
certainly doesn't meant that we can't enjoy it. Humor is what helps the most.
4.) We Live by Choice, Not by Chance
Our great freedom and our great soources of strength is our ability to choose. Our God created us with a
free will. He gave us life, and then he gave us the freedom to decide for ourselves what we'll do with it.
He gave us the power to choose our own way. But yet, so many people doesn't know this and they
thought their future is already shape. We must remember that we live by choice and not by chance. It is
what we choose to think and what we choose to do that are most important. Equally important is the
need to understand that we're are the results of our choices. We can't choose what happen in our lives,
but we can choose how to respond. We have the ability to survive hardship and to overcome handicaps.
We have the capacity to rise above negative circumstances because we have a free will, the freedom and
power to choose. Human beings weren't designed to live by chance. We were designed to live by choice.
5.) Attitude is a Choice-The most important One You'll Ever Make
Research shows that attitude is far more important than intelligence, education, special talent or luck.
The people who did this study concluded that up to eighty-five percent of our success in life is due to
attitude, while the other fifteen percent is due to ability. It is perceived that we can alter our lives by
altering our attitude. People who have generally positive attitudes expect the best; people with negative
attituds expect the worst. In both cases; those expectations are usually fulfilled. Our ability to choose,
especially to choose your own attitude is the most important resource you have for suceeding in life. The
best advise for us is to think with an open mind, think for yourself and think constructively.
6.) Habits Are the Key to All Success
We all are creature of habit. Og Mandino words of wisdom – In truth, the only difference between
those who have failed and those who have succeeded lies in the difference of their habits. We first
make our habits then our habits makes us and like attitudes, habits can be changed. Trying to break bad
habit through sheer willpower rarely works. What has proven to be far more effective is by replacing
habit – substituting it with behaviour that's more positive. Good habits make the difference in everything
we do. They're the key to real success. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a
habit.
7.) Being Thankful is a Habit – the Best One You'll Ever Have
Do not complain because you do not have or it is not perfect, but enjoy while you still can. The human
tendency is that we seldom think of what we have but always of what we lack. Being thankful, if
practiced regularly, becomes a habit. It is not just habit but attitude. Being able to appreciate what
we have is one of the keys to fulfillment. Real enjoyment starts with being thankful.
8.) Good People Build Their Lives on Foundaiton of Respect
Respect is the most important quality of human being can have and it is the primary source from which
the good things in life flow. Treat people as adults, treat them as partners; treat them with dignity; treat
them with respect.
9.) Honesty is Still the Best Policy
Whatever we do in life and no matter how successful we are, we can never be truly happy if we are not
honest. Dishonesty, more than anything else, prevents us from being the type of persons we can and
want to be. It is like cancer. It starts small, and if not detected and completely eradicated, it spreads out
of control until it finally destroys us.
10.) Kind Words Cost Little but Accomplish Much
Few things in the world are more powerful than a positive push, a smile perhaps. A word of optimism
and hope. A 'you can do it attitude' when things are tough. Learn the affirming skills, the skills of looking
for and finding good in people. It means building other up and encouraging them. It means finding
reasons for praise and applause. It means nurturing and being supportive of others. It is always easy to
criticize but it is never easy to praise others. Learn the affirming skill, as the whole creation responds to
praise, and is glad. It is easy, it is fun and it gets fantastic result and the more we do it the better we get at
it.
11.) Real Motivation Comes from Within
No matter who you are or what your age may be, if you want to achieve permanent, sustaining success,
the motivation that will drive toward that goal must come from within. In whatever we do if we are not
motivated and do not have the desire within us we can never be successful. If other people ask you to do
something but we do not like it, we will not be motivated and will not do it successfully. We might do it
halfheartedly and the end results will not be satisfying but if we want to achieve something for our own
good we will be motivated and no matter what the barriers are we will accomplish it. If we have a
burning desire, a solid belief, and a clear picture, we will have all the motivation we need.
12.) Goals are Dreams with Deadlines
People with goals succeed because they know where they are going. When we combine motivation with
our goals, there's hardly anything that can stop us. All achievements, no matter how great or small, are
ignited as goals and fueled through motivation. Living without goals is like going on a trip without a
destination. If you don't know where you are going, you'll probably end of nowhere and any road will get
you there.
13.) There's No Substitute for Hard Work
Hard work helps us realize our potential and we can know what we are capable of doing if we truly
use the talent that God has given us. Being hardworking helps us to face up to life and once we finished
doing something it will makes us feels good because of the sense of accomplishment. There is no
shortcuts in life, success is something that you have to earn. You have to be patient as success does not
comes easy.
14.) You have to Give Up Something to Get Something
Key word here is delayed gratification, when you were young you have to give up your time for fooling
around with studying. Study hard for your better future. Another example is that save money or
entertainment? Leisure time or working time? If we have the right choices, with good habits we can
accomplish a lot of things in life towards a successful life. In the end we will live a happy and fulfilled life
with a right choice during our early life.
15.) Successful People Don't Find Time – They Make Time
Time is life, it is irreversible and irreplaceable. To waste your time is to waste your life, but to master
your time is to master your life and make the most of it. Time is opportunity. Always concentrate on the
most valuable use of your time. This is what separates the winners from the losers. The main point here
is that the people who succeed in life understand that time is their most valuable resources. It is a
resource that is distributed evenly. Everyone gets twenty-four hours a day. It is what we do with it that
defines ourselves.
16.) No One Else Can Raise Your Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is that deep-down inside the skin feeling you have your own self-worth. It is how we
genuinely feel about ourselves, regardless off what others say. Other people can say bad things about you
but you can never tell yourself that you are what other people say. Love yourself, accept who you are and
show the world how unique you are and how you are special in your own way.
17.) The Body Needs Nutrition and Exercise – so do the Mind and Spirit
Those who have grown the most spiritually are those who are experts in living and there is yet another
joy, even greater. It is the joy of communion with God. Feed your mind with good things, read books that
can motivate you and lifts your spirit. No matter what your belief are be in sync with your creator, have
faith and pray.
18.) It's OK to fail – Everyone Else Has
We must be willing to accept failure and learn from it. If you are willing to consider failure as a blessing
in disguise and bounce back, you have got the potential of harnessing one of the most powerful forces
of success. Failing is a fact of life, a necessary part of the process that no one escapes. It is not whether
we fail that matters but how we fail and improve from it. The difference between the people who succeed
in life and the ones who don't is not found in the number of times they fail but it is found in what they do
after they fail.
19.) Life is Simpler When We Know What's Essential
Thousand of years ago a wise man named Confucius said life is actually quite simple and that it
becomes complicated only because we insist of making so. What's essential in life? Choose a good
attitude, respect others, be honest in yourself and work hard. Learn daily if you fall, stand up and
start again. Last but not least, laugh – enjoy life.
20.)Essential #1 is being a Good Person
Above all the twenty things the most important thing is being a good person. Love one another, avoid
hatred; do all the good you can, by all the means you can. Being good is the most essential
ingredient of emotional and spiritual health.
Conclusion
As a conclusion the book tells us to keep track in what we do, to be good and to live our life to the fullest. Have no
regret and enjoy.
we can live life to the fullest without any regrets. There are twenty things that really matters in life highlighted in
this book. In each chapter he tells us and give example on how the twenty things is essential in our lives.
1.) Success is More than Making Money
As said by Wynn Davis, success means doing the best we can with what we have. Success is in the doing,
not the getting – in the trying, not the triumph. As we always heard, money cannot buy happiness, we
cannot measure our success with how much money we have as true success is more than making money.
There's no point having lots of money if we are not happy as in the end we will die unsatisfied.
Successful people accept life as it is, with all difficulties and challenges. They adapt to it rathen than
complain about it. They see life as a series of opportunites and possibilities and always explore them.
2.) Life is Hard...and Not Always Fair
Life doesn't always work the way we like it to be. If we had our way, it would be easier, consistently fair
and more fun. The reality is that we have to learn, although slowly and painfully it will teach us the most
valuable lessons about life. Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional and those things that hurt, instruct.
We need to understand that some of life's most painful lessons are also the most valuable. The most
important thing we can do when we are hurting, whether it's physical or emotional hurt, is to find some
meaning in it. Life is hard, and it is not always fai. But that doesn't mean it can't be good, rewarding and
enjoyable. There are still a lot of reason to say yes to it.
3.) Life is Also fun...and Incredibly Funny
One of the greatest truths; human beings need to have fun. We need to play and most importantly, we
ned to laugh. Life may be hard and at times unfair, but that doesn't mean it has to be intolerable. And it
certainly doesn't meant that we can't enjoy it. Humor is what helps the most.
4.) We Live by Choice, Not by Chance
Our great freedom and our great soources of strength is our ability to choose. Our God created us with a
free will. He gave us life, and then he gave us the freedom to decide for ourselves what we'll do with it.
He gave us the power to choose our own way. But yet, so many people doesn't know this and they
thought their future is already shape. We must remember that we live by choice and not by chance. It is
what we choose to think and what we choose to do that are most important. Equally important is the
need to understand that we're are the results of our choices. We can't choose what happen in our lives,
but we can choose how to respond. We have the ability to survive hardship and to overcome handicaps.
We have the capacity to rise above negative circumstances because we have a free will, the freedom and
power to choose. Human beings weren't designed to live by chance. We were designed to live by choice.
5.) Attitude is a Choice-The most important One You'll Ever Make
Research shows that attitude is far more important than intelligence, education, special talent or luck.
The people who did this study concluded that up to eighty-five percent of our success in life is due to
attitude, while the other fifteen percent is due to ability. It is perceived that we can alter our lives by
altering our attitude. People who have generally positive attitudes expect the best; people with negative
attituds expect the worst. In both cases; those expectations are usually fulfilled. Our ability to choose,
especially to choose your own attitude is the most important resource you have for suceeding in life. The
best advise for us is to think with an open mind, think for yourself and think constructively.
6.) Habits Are the Key to All Success
We all are creature of habit. Og Mandino words of wisdom – In truth, the only difference between
those who have failed and those who have succeeded lies in the difference of their habits. We first
make our habits then our habits makes us and like attitudes, habits can be changed. Trying to break bad
habit through sheer willpower rarely works. What has proven to be far more effective is by replacing
habit – substituting it with behaviour that's more positive. Good habits make the difference in everything
we do. They're the key to real success. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a
habit.
7.) Being Thankful is a Habit – the Best One You'll Ever Have
Do not complain because you do not have or it is not perfect, but enjoy while you still can. The human
tendency is that we seldom think of what we have but always of what we lack. Being thankful, if
practiced regularly, becomes a habit. It is not just habit but attitude. Being able to appreciate what
we have is one of the keys to fulfillment. Real enjoyment starts with being thankful.
8.) Good People Build Their Lives on Foundaiton of Respect
Respect is the most important quality of human being can have and it is the primary source from which
the good things in life flow. Treat people as adults, treat them as partners; treat them with dignity; treat
them with respect.
9.) Honesty is Still the Best Policy
Whatever we do in life and no matter how successful we are, we can never be truly happy if we are not
honest. Dishonesty, more than anything else, prevents us from being the type of persons we can and
want to be. It is like cancer. It starts small, and if not detected and completely eradicated, it spreads out
of control until it finally destroys us.
10.) Kind Words Cost Little but Accomplish Much
Few things in the world are more powerful than a positive push, a smile perhaps. A word of optimism
and hope. A 'you can do it attitude' when things are tough. Learn the affirming skills, the skills of looking
for and finding good in people. It means building other up and encouraging them. It means finding
reasons for praise and applause. It means nurturing and being supportive of others. It is always easy to
criticize but it is never easy to praise others. Learn the affirming skill, as the whole creation responds to
praise, and is glad. It is easy, it is fun and it gets fantastic result and the more we do it the better we get at
it.
11.) Real Motivation Comes from Within
No matter who you are or what your age may be, if you want to achieve permanent, sustaining success,
the motivation that will drive toward that goal must come from within. In whatever we do if we are not
motivated and do not have the desire within us we can never be successful. If other people ask you to do
something but we do not like it, we will not be motivated and will not do it successfully. We might do it
halfheartedly and the end results will not be satisfying but if we want to achieve something for our own
good we will be motivated and no matter what the barriers are we will accomplish it. If we have a
burning desire, a solid belief, and a clear picture, we will have all the motivation we need.
12.) Goals are Dreams with Deadlines
People with goals succeed because they know where they are going. When we combine motivation with
our goals, there's hardly anything that can stop us. All achievements, no matter how great or small, are
ignited as goals and fueled through motivation. Living without goals is like going on a trip without a
destination. If you don't know where you are going, you'll probably end of nowhere and any road will get
you there.
13.) There's No Substitute for Hard Work
Hard work helps us realize our potential and we can know what we are capable of doing if we truly
use the talent that God has given us. Being hardworking helps us to face up to life and once we finished
doing something it will makes us feels good because of the sense of accomplishment. There is no
shortcuts in life, success is something that you have to earn. You have to be patient as success does not
comes easy.
14.) You have to Give Up Something to Get Something
Key word here is delayed gratification, when you were young you have to give up your time for fooling
around with studying. Study hard for your better future. Another example is that save money or
entertainment? Leisure time or working time? If we have the right choices, with good habits we can
accomplish a lot of things in life towards a successful life. In the end we will live a happy and fulfilled life
with a right choice during our early life.
15.) Successful People Don't Find Time – They Make Time
Time is life, it is irreversible and irreplaceable. To waste your time is to waste your life, but to master
your time is to master your life and make the most of it. Time is opportunity. Always concentrate on the
most valuable use of your time. This is what separates the winners from the losers. The main point here
is that the people who succeed in life understand that time is their most valuable resources. It is a
resource that is distributed evenly. Everyone gets twenty-four hours a day. It is what we do with it that
defines ourselves.
16.) No One Else Can Raise Your Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is that deep-down inside the skin feeling you have your own self-worth. It is how we
genuinely feel about ourselves, regardless off what others say. Other people can say bad things about you
but you can never tell yourself that you are what other people say. Love yourself, accept who you are and
show the world how unique you are and how you are special in your own way.
17.) The Body Needs Nutrition and Exercise – so do the Mind and Spirit
Those who have grown the most spiritually are those who are experts in living and there is yet another
joy, even greater. It is the joy of communion with God. Feed your mind with good things, read books that
can motivate you and lifts your spirit. No matter what your belief are be in sync with your creator, have
faith and pray.
18.) It's OK to fail – Everyone Else Has
We must be willing to accept failure and learn from it. If you are willing to consider failure as a blessing
in disguise and bounce back, you have got the potential of harnessing one of the most powerful forces
of success. Failing is a fact of life, a necessary part of the process that no one escapes. It is not whether
we fail that matters but how we fail and improve from it. The difference between the people who succeed
in life and the ones who don't is not found in the number of times they fail but it is found in what they do
after they fail.
19.) Life is Simpler When We Know What's Essential
Thousand of years ago a wise man named Confucius said life is actually quite simple and that it
becomes complicated only because we insist of making so. What's essential in life? Choose a good
attitude, respect others, be honest in yourself and work hard. Learn daily if you fall, stand up and
start again. Last but not least, laugh – enjoy life.
20.)Essential #1 is being a Good Person
Above all the twenty things the most important thing is being a good person. Love one another, avoid
hatred; do all the good you can, by all the means you can. Being good is the most essential
ingredient of emotional and spiritual health.
Conclusion
As a conclusion the book tells us to keep track in what we do, to be good and to live our life to the fullest. Have no
regret and enjoy.
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